I Got My Wivdom Teef Ow

I didn’t expect hilarity – but I’ll take it!

“Why don’t you get yourself a smoothie on the way home?”

“Bup don tho hab lil sees in em?”

“Get a Mango smoothie.”

I started to chuckle, and the chuckle turned into a laugh, and pretty soon I was guffawing and crying.

Guffawing and crying, with my mouth full of gauze.

Ha! I couldn’t stop imagining it, trying to order at the drive through:

“May I pwease hab a man smooey?”

Drive through guy:

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get that, can you say it again?”

“Meem man smooey.”

“Sorry, there must be something wrong with my headset. Once again?”

“I wan a meem man smooey! A smooey! Oo know, wif orange fooot? Fwozen and bwended?”

“A smoothie?”

“Yef, yef, a smooey!”

“OK, what flavor?”

“Oh, Ga! a MAN smooey! Manjoo!”

“Mango?”

“Yef! Yef, Manjoo!”

“What size?”

“Oh, GAAAA! Meem! Meem, pwease!”

“Medium?”

“Yef, yef! Meem! Bup no stwah.”

“You don’t want a straw?”

“Wight. Na pose hab stwah fo two wee.”

“OK, no straw with the smoothie. Anything else?”

“Ife cweam”

“Ice cream?”

“Yef, yef, Ife cweam!”

“Cup or cone?”

“Cuh – wif a poon.”

“What size?”

“Warge.”

By the grace of God, they only have one flavor, so I wouldn’t have to try to say, “vanilla.” But it would have been fun.

“Vaniwa. Wif chawla sauf.”

Etc. I’m crying, here, and I’m not supposed to be. Better go re-stuff my mouf wif gaub.

Now what’s so funny, Sophie cat?

OK, so I’m a little swollen.  It is nowhere near as bad as everyone said it would be. I’ve got the tube socks stuffed with ice tied around my head, the bleeding has stopped (but it will start again if I can’t stop laughing), the clove-tasting things the oral surgeon stuffed in the holes on the bottom seem to be numbing whatever pain there is supposed to be, so, so far so good. Not much pain at all.

Yet.

I suppose I should be a little concerned that, as soon as she pulled the final tooth, the oral surgeon jumped up and ran out of the room.

And puked.

I’ve decided to treat that as hilarious, too.

I mean, I’m sorry she wasn’t feeling well, or is pregnant, or my ancient decayed wisdom teeth were so disgusting they made her hurl, or whatever caused her to puke. At least the bathroom was right in the next room.

And she didn’t puke on me, at least. So there’s that.

I’m not even getting all germ-freak OCD about it.

Because I can’t stop finking bow owdwing a meem manjoo smoowey at the dribe tru.

I’ll keep you pof sed.

Until then, I remain,

Your swollen, gauze-biting, laughing-til-I’m-crying, pudding-eating, smooey-drinking, honest-it-was-only-local-anaesthetic,

Ridiculouswoman

Author: Ridiculouswoman

When my husband entered hospice I finally learned that love, gratitude and laughter are what matter. Every new day is a do-over, another chance to try to live with kindness and an open heart. Or sometimes snark. But mostly kindness. And laughter. Mostly at myself.

11 thoughts on “I Got My Wivdom Teef Ow”

  1. I’m totally picturing the drive through scene, and I’m laughing right along with you. When I had my wisdom teeth out, they put me under, so I was also totally foggy-headed when it was all over. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

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    1. Thanks! Everyone I asked said it was the most horrible experience of their lives – but so far the worst of it was the numbing. That has worn off, so the clove-tasting medicated pack they put in must be working – we’ll see how it feels once those dissolve! In the meantime it’s back to the pudding and shakes and on with the ice-pack head wrap. Did you find your scissors?

      On Sat, Jan 5, 2019, 4:53 AM ridiculouswoman.com

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The experience itself wasn’t too bad, especially since I was unconscious. Lol. Then for the next few days I was high on pain medication.
        I’ve actually found two pairs of scissors in the past few days, and have managed not to lose any more…yet.

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  2. Wisdom teeth are the worst! I was so scared to have them out, I waited until I was 40 to have the bottom two removed, and 42 to have the upper two out. If my surgeon had thrown up in the middle of it, I would have totally lost it!

    It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had anticipated, especially the bottom two. They had such a hard time getting the uppers out, the surgery took two hours instead of thirty minutes, so the recover from those was *unpleasant*. My husband told me when I woke up from the anesthesia, I was crying and crying, repeating, “I’m sorry I’m SO SAD!”

    I found the second and third days to be the worst for me, but if you keep it iced the first day and heat on it after that, you should be right as rain in a week, tops!

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    1. Thanks! I’m kind of stunned by how ok I feel – sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop…ice going back on for good luck! Maybe I’ll even go get a “smooey!”😂

      On Sat, Jan 5, 2019, 7:46 AM ridiculouswoman.com

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I had my wisdoms out when I was in my twenties. At the time ,we had just gotten a goat and I remember walking her down our dirt road, making like Heidi, from the book. I sat in swollen misery while she, Gertie the goat, pranced around the bluestone ledges like a, um, kid, on a beautiful spring day. Hope healing is proceeding apace and that you, too, can now order mango smoothies with the best of ’em. Judi B.

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    1. Thanks, Judi! It’s been weird – everyone I asked said it was the most horrendous experience of their lives – but after the numbing wore off I’ve had zero swelling and no pain – go figure – maybe writing this last night turned out to be the right decision after all! Fingers crossed that there’s no other shoe waiting to drop!

      On Tue, Jan 8, 2019, 10:44 AM ridiculouswoman.com

      Like

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