Books and music are so essential to me, and, I think, to a life lived with love and laughter, that I am devoting a separate page to them.
BTW if there are links in here I’m not getting paid for them – not that I don’t hope to get paid for them someday, if you buy something, but that’s not happening right now – just giving you a way to easily find what I’m talking about in case you want to explore further.
Books about autism, Asperger’s and disability in general
As most parents do, when their child is diagnosed as living on the autism spectrum, I read a lot of books about it. The ones that stayed with me most were not the clinical sort, full of special diets or supplements, hypotheses about causes and recommended therapies, but the honest and emotional descriptions of life as a parent, or person, living with autism.
A Slant of Sun: One Child’s Courage, by Beth Kephart
Ms. Kephart’s son had the same diagnosis as my Angelic Daughter – “pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified,” which I translate as the medical profession’s way of saying, “Wull shit, I dunno, she’s differ’nt!” The descriptions of this brave and wonderful little boy, his fixations and anxieties and the joys and challenges of being a parent to such a truly courageous child give great insight into the lives of families with autistic children, for those who live in a strictly “neurotypical” world. The section about the anxiety and planning that go into one play date will just rip you up. It did me.
The Short Bus, by Jonathan Mooney
Even if your kid was never tormented or laughed at for riding “the short bus,” this book is a must-read for anyone who cares about inclusion, free expression and the right to simply be who you are. Stories of communities that embraced and looked out for their eccentric or disabled members, or didn’t, and how people with differences survive and make their way should inspire you. Next time you see the short bus coming for a child on your block, you’re likely to feel compassion, empathy and even admiration for the endurance, resilience and good humor of many of the people featured.
Look Me In the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s, by John Elder Robison
Being diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome at 40 changed John Elder Robison’s life, and his way of describing this “invisible disability” changed mine, giving me language and stories to help me explain Angelic Daughter’s behavioral differences more effectively to parents and family members who just didn’t get it. Robison’s differences gave him interests and abilities that turned into jobs that have made up an interesting and successful career. So if you have a professional colleague who just seems different, socially awkward, insensitive or dismissive, this book will give you another way to think about that behavior asa possible (emphasis on the possible – were not qualified to go around diagnosing anyone here – that’s up to the individual, if they want a diagnosis, and their doctor) neurological difference.
There are more books like this on my “TBR” list, particularly Life, Animated: A Story of Sidekicks, Heroes and Autism by Ron Suskind, which tells the amazing story of how a young man without language figured out how to use memorized dialogue from Disney movies to communicate with his family.
Every parent of a person with autism remembers breakthrough moments, often heartrending, when a child whose brain forces them to come at language sideways or upside down, finds a way, struggles through the frustration to finally communicate, their anxiety or their love. With me, it was when Angelic Daughter was going to start kindergarten. She was clearly anxious and afraid, as are all kids who are soon to head off to school and endure the separation anxiety of being away from Mom or Dad. We were walking home from the park, and I was carrying her limp, exhausted self, worn out more with anxiety than play, and I was trying to reassure her about how fun and nice kindergarten would be.
She took a deep, half-sobbing breath, and said, “show you the pictures?”
She meant, will there be someone there to help me communicate, by showing me pictures to use to say what I want or need? To give me pictures to show someone else when I want to tell them how I feel? Mom, please tell me, will there be someone there to show me the pictures so I can point to the one I need?
I remember exactly where we were, in the middle of the street on a little hill, walking toward home. I stopped and held her tight, and through my own ragged breathing and tears, of relief for finally understanding what she was so anxious about, and of love and pain because she had been so scared and lost and unable to say why or about what until then, I told her “yes, yes sweetheart, of course! There will be a nice speech lady there to show you the pictures!”
I felt her relax and slump on my shoulder. I think she fell asleep on the short walk home, having found a way to break through and get her concerns addressed. Now that she’s an adult, we call that “good self-advocacy.” Then, at 6 years old, I called it a miracle.
I wrote recently about improvisation, which I used to perform, and which, to be perfectly honest, changed my life. Taught me to say “yes” to people and experiences that I would not have said “yes” to before I was trained as an improviser, and my life has been enriched as a result.
So in case you are interested, I thought I’d share a few of what I think are some of the best books about the art of improvisation:
“Something Wonderful Right Away,” by Jeffrey Sweet – an oral history of Second City and the Compass Players
“Impro,” by Keith Johnstone
“Truth in Comedy,” by Charna Halpern and Del Close – this last describes moments and performances I witnessed, people I took class with or performed with, and gives the closest depiction of my experience with improvisation.
There are many more books about improv, some considered fundamental (Viola Spolin) and others just redundant. But here are three I’ve actually read. Three. Rule of threes. Should be in Del’s book, somewhere, but I don’t remember. Which isn’t important, because you’re not really supposed to “remember” things about improv so much as just do them, in the moment, to the benefit of your fellow players and the “group mind.” And then it vanishes, and it can’t be recreated. But that’s why it is especially wonderful.
The Aubrey-Maturin Series by Patrick O’Brian
It’s about time I came back to this page and recommended some of my favorites.
Absolutely top of the list are the Aubrey-Maturin books by Patrick O’Brian, pictured above in the 20-volume paperback set I have. You will either become hooked, reading and re-reading them over and over, or you won’t get through them at all. “Do or do not, there is no try.” But I hope I’ll hook a few of you on these, they could change your life, and introduce you to a society of persons globally who love and are devoted to these books and their characters. It may take some hunting around the internet to find the 20 paperbacks, but you can get them in hardback individually or as a set in 5 hardback volumes.
I’d recommend buying (or borrowing from your local library) the first two, Master and Commander and Post Captain; after the second you’ll know if you’re hooked or if you can’t go on and you’ll be able to decide if you must possess the entire set.
If you do get hooked, there are a great many companion books including recipes for foods mentioned (Lobscouse and Spotted Dog) or biographies of other great naval heroes of the age (Cochrane, Nelson). There’s also a controversial biography of the author, Patrick O’Brian, A Life Revealed, which in hindsight I kind of wish I hadn’t read, but you decide if you want to know about the author of if you want to stick with the wonderful characters he created.
I’ve written about other historical novels and speculative fiction I enjoy in a blog post, but a book I didn’t mention is “Mountain Man” by Vardis Fisher, which was the inspiration for a Robert Redford film called “Jeremiah Johnson.”
This book changed my life, because of its description of the protagonist’s intense powers of observation, which were essential to his survival. It’s a violent story of the old west, but it fascinated me and caused me to pay much greater attention to the world around me and have greater appreciation for my five functioning senses.
I invite you to share books that changed your life in the comments. I welcome your recommendations!
I failed to make any new recommendations for Christmas music for 2018 in time, but I learned some wonderful new stuff in my chorus this year, and you can read about it here.
As of 2017, here are my favorite Christmas recordings, from what I think of as the “it goes without saying” ones to some unexpected gems that Mike and I discovered through our annual gamble of choosing several obscure or potentially awful CDs from the bargain bin.
So, starting with the “it goes without saying” essentials:
Messiahs: one with the Toronto Symphony conducted by Andrew Davis (now Sir Andrew Davis) with Kathleen Battle and Samuel Ramey, among other wonderful singers. Or the John Eliot Gardner version with the Monteverdi Choir.
Charlie Brown, of course, and Christmas Carols sung by choirs in lovely, echoey places – there’s a good one featuring the Londonderry Boys Choir, and there’s Christmas with the Cambridge Singers.
My absolute favorite, the best late-night-after-the-kids-have-gone-to-bed, have yourself soothing little eggnog recording – I just love the distant hush of the sound of this record – In the Bleak Midwinter.
In the unexpected gem category, here are a few I just grabbed because I liked the artist in another context, and I discovered records that were thoughtful and beautifully crafted, where the artist had taken the time to write new songs for the season, or rework classic ones in a new and wonderful way, or just perform well loved songs really well: Vince Gill’s Breath of Heaven. I’m not a huge country music fan, but Vince Gill’s high lonesome voice is always worth a listen (not to mention his guitar playing but that isn’t really featured here) and his recording of the title track will stop you in yours.
I also really like Shawn Colvin’s “Holiday Songs and Lullabies” – I first became aware of Shawn Colvin from “Sunny Came Home,” but I also saw her do a charming turn on “Sesame Street,” (which we still watch in our house) and so I picked this one, and I love it – another good one for late at night to settle down after a busy day of holiday preparations.
And Kenny Loggins December, which I really didn’t like the first time I listened to it, but I gave it another chance and now it is one of my favorites.
For some more uptempo or unusual holiday fun from a great musician and arranger and his great band, I like Harry Connick.
And finally Christmas Songs, which is a lot of fun, with some really interesting tracks I wouldn’t have found otherwise – but the opening “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” with Barenaked Ladies and Sara McLachlan is great, and in her (McLachlan’s) version of Gordon Lightfoot’s “Song for a Winter’s Night” you can practically feel the fading embers of the fire and hear the snow-muffled sounds of a lamplit-cabin in the Canadian woods.