“And now may you go in peace, rendering no one evil for evil, but instead, make the choice to be a source of God’s light and God’s love in this lifetime.”
This is the benediction my church’s very-soon-to-retire pastor has given at the end of every service for the past 30 years, during 26 of which Angelic Daughter and I have been members.
The image above is that benediction inscribed on the back of a t-shirt made for church members to wear at the retirement party for our pastors (they’re a husband and wife team – she served as the youth pastor, and he handled the Sunday services, for the most part). Both Angelic Daughter and I wore one.
As soon as I put it on, I realized that with that text emblazoned across my back, I COULDN’T be judge-y, or patronizing, or sarcastic toward anyone. I HAD to be nice. I couldn’t very well go out walking around in our community wearing that t-shirt, and behave like a bitch. I told the party committee’s chairwoman that she had given me the gift of “de-bitchification.”
All I have to do is put that t-shirt on, and instantly, I’m a better person. Or, more accurately, I am forced to behave as a better person. Geez, I’d even have to smile – a lot – no small feat as I bear my mother’s resting bitch face, with an involuntarily down-turned mouth and not-always-so-involuntary pugnacious expression.
So now I must “make the choice” (and it IS a choice) to behave as if I was wearing that t-shirt all the time, something that certainly won’t come naturally to me, I’m sorry to say.
I already logged a total failure: Angelic Daughter and I were standing in line for a Ferris wheel ride at an annual carnival that is a favorite of hers — a must-do every year– when a teenage girl in line directly in front of us began aggressively questioning her two companions thus:
“Are you a Republican? I’m a Republican.”
To which one of the other young ladies replied:
“I don’t know anything about it. I’m too ignorant to say,” and the other young lady said something to the effect of “I am, but the liberals are all hating on me for it.” There must have been some choice words about immigrants, too. I cracked.
I stepped in and told the “ignorant” young lady that if she didn’t know, it was her job to find out, and with regard to immigrants, reminded these girls about the right to due process, which none of the migrant Venezuelan men now rotting in a vicious gulag in El Salvador received, although they were entitled to it, and of the deportation of a 4 year-old U.S. citizen with cancer, and snarled, “NOW do you understand why “liberals” are angry?” I told them our nation’s future was in their hands and their ignorance terrified me.
The girls appeared shocked, as if they hadn’t heard anything at all about any of the deportations. I told them they might try reading an actual newspaper, one that tells the truth, which they can do on their phone, instead of getting their information from TikTok or Instagram or whatever.
Not exactly behaving like a source of God’s light and love, there, Annie. These were ignorant kids, and despite their being walking proof of the gross failure of our educational system, and of the anti-intellectualism that has always been an undercurrent, but is now a rising tide, in America, I missed an opportunity to educate with love, flipping into anger instead. Great job, dumb ass.
At the very least, I could have just kept my mouth shut (also, in case you hadn’t noticed, something that does not come naturally to me). Since this unfortunate incident, I remind myself when I get in or out of the car, “every person with love, Annie. Meet every person with love.”
We’ll see how that goes.
But speaking of love, I did participate in a “No Kings” protest on Saturday. The atmosphere was festive, and where I had guessed 1,000 attendees, the organizers estimated a turnout of 5,000 (this in a nearby suburb not known for political activism.)
Here are two of my favorite signs from the day:
Here’s the sign I carried, along with an American flag:
I drove home feeling energized.
Then I took out my phone and got the news from Minnesota. And Israel/Iran.
Dammit.
An absolute reinforcement of the fact that what the world needs now is love.
Go in peace, and may we all strive to be a source of God’s light and God’s love in this lifetime.
Until then, I remain,
your still struggling, one-day-at-a-time, trying-to-be-better-and-at-best-“failing forward,”
Ridiculouswoman