Widow Rocks Wanton Weekend

LAKE BLUFF, IL – July 2, 2024 – “I usually don’t make a big deal out of birthdays,” said the widow who calls herself “Ridiculouswoman”. “But I decided to just roll with it.”

The “it” to which she refers is her sixty-fifth birthday. To celebrate, Ridiculous scheduled back-to-back events during the week leading up to the Big Day.

“I scheduled a Karaoke Meetup on Tuesday. I stayed in my country singing lane with a rendition of Tonight the Heartache’s On Me, by the Chicks. Nailed it.

“Then on Wednesday, I had scheduled a trivia event at a local forest preserve, but everyone else cancelled. That was OK because when I got there half an hour early, every single picnic table was already occupied by fanatical trivia teams. There was no place to sit, so I just went home. No big whoop.

“Thursday, I attended a debate watching party sponsored by a local political organization. We all know how that went. It was so excruciating that I left after about three minutes.

“I still had several hours of coverage for Angelic Daughter from her devoted companion, so instead of going home, I turned around and went back to the Karaoke place.

“I was standing there assessing the crowd when a good looking young man (the backward-baseball hat type), completely shitfaced, stumbled over to me and asked me about why I had come or if I was part of a group. He then leaned down (I’m five feet tall – five feet and half an inch if I stand up very straight) and said, “yooor vaaayay byoooful.” I laughed and told him, “just keep those drunk glasses, on, baby.”

“I’m naaa dwunnnk!” he slurred. “Yoooor byooful!”

“Whereupon he announced it was his birthday (couldn’t have been more than 25, probably less) and tapped his cheek, covered with a well-groomed beard, and asked for a kiss. So I obliged.

“He stumbled away, and I turned to his friends, another young man and a couple, and said I’d love to see the look on his face the next morning when they told him he had asked a 65 year old woman for a kiss.

“Then drunk young man circled back and exhorted his buddy to kiss me on the lips. The woman in the group put her arms around him, told him that was enough, and got him to settle down.

“But not before I asked him who his favorite girl singer was.”

“Ummm, Heart?” he said.

“Heart?? I’m thinking, they’re from at least ten years before this kid was born! Such is the power of the internet. But, inspiration: I’d been working up my courage to attempt Heart’s “Alone” during my own private car karaoke sessions, and this presented the perfect opportunity.

“So I put myself on the list and got called up quickly.

“This is for the birthday boy back there,” I said, to exuberant cheers.

Above the bar noise I could hear I was off key for a while, but when it came to the big “AAAAAOAOOOOH!” note, I nailed it again. And the crowd goes wild. So, a nice birthday ego boost.

“Then Friday, a well-attended Meetup at a local distillery that was featuring a great party band. Pizza, drinks, dancing. A good time was had by all.”

Ridiculous then revealed that Saturday was the big birthday itself, and that she had been working for three weeks to prepare her home and back yard for guests. This included having a new, circular concrete patio installed as a spot to gather around her Solo Stove, which served as a cocktail table on that warm summer evening. She went on to explain that “in the 25 years I’ve lived in the home, I’ve never had guests over other than family or Angelic Daughter’s companions.

“My late husband Mike hated socializing, and until we did the remodeling during his terminal illness, the house was definitely not company-worthy. Plus, I was just very OCD about it – anxious about strangers coming into my house. I was nervous about the weather, too, but the stars aligned and it turned into a beautiful, clear, breezy evening.

“The party was a smashing success. It was loosely organized around a Carousel theme (June Is Busting Out All Over!). I wore a 50’s style pink fit and flare dress with a white collar and a crinoline underneath that made me look like a cross between Donna Reed and a member of the housekeeping staff at a mid-range chain hotel, plus a pink scarf around my neck that made me look like I had wandered away from a community theater production of Grease. I inflicted a playlist composed entirely of SHOWTUNES, DARLING on my guests, and they took it in stride.”

Ridiculous said the women from her Meetup group who attended were kind, interesting, and accomplished. Several brought flowers, cards, appetizers, cookies, and/or presents.

“And somehow we managed to go through an entire magnum plus another bottle of champagne! There were ten of us, though. Anyway, as usual I made way too much food, which will save me a week’s worth of grocery shopping.

“Then to top it off, Sunday my brother and sister-in-law came, bringing barbecue, cards and gifts, which included a rain barrel I had wanted for years that my brother installed for me.

“And with that, the week of indulgence to celebrate my birthday ended.”

So what’s next?

“Stay tuned,” said Ridiculous. “My next act is just getting started!”

Making schedules for cleaning, writing, future Meetups, and helping Angelic Daughter develop independent living skills, I remain,

Your I-don’t-feel-any-different-in-fact-quite-a-lot-better-than-I-did-when-I-was-50-so-what’s-the-big-deal-about-turning-65-anyway,

Ridiculouswoman